Old Winyards

AAAAAaaaaaarrrgh!

2007-05-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

Friends of a fucking dead horse.

You Snorted WHAT?!?!?

2007-04-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

I guess the real question is, "What hasn't Keith Richards snorted?"

And why is he trying to emulate Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow?

Keith Richards has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, but this may top them all.

In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Richards' father, Bert, died in 2002, at 84.

Can We Stop Talking About a Horse Now?

2007-01-29T17:00:00.000-08:00

I love animals as much as the next guy (ok, much more than the next guy), but I'm not a horseracing fan, and I resent being subjected to so much media coverage of an injured (now dead) horse.

At least now it will end. Right?

That's What They Look Like?

2006-12-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

I've been a regular visitor to, and fan of, Penny Arcade for a while now. I find its particular brand of irreverant, offbeat humor, and unique perspective on the gaming industry to be singularly appealing to one of my interests and background.

However.

Upon reading today's column, I was dismayed to discover what the two creators of the comic actually look like. That is to say, utter dweebs. I suppose it shouldn't really come as a surprise, but I had somehow developed the idea that they actually looked like the characters that represented them in the strip. It's a horrible thing when fantasies are destroyed.

Next thing you know I'll discover that Gabe and Tycho aren't their real names...

Email Marketing Mad Lib

2006-12-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

I just heard from the warm and friendly folks at Banana Republic marketing. So nice of them to contact me. The personalization was such a nice touch.

Hi Daniel!

The short survey is about [INSERT STUDY TOPIC] and we want to know what you think. It should only take you [5-10] minutes to complete.

Everyone who completes the survey will be entered into a monthly draw for a [INSERT SWEEPSTAKE DETAILS].

Click the link below to participate.

%%Link%%
(If the URL does not show up as a link, please copy and paste it into your browser's location bar)

We are excited to hear your feedback!
Thanks,

The BR Insiders Team

Dear Banana team,

Do you really want to hear my feedback? A little quality control on outgoing emails might help.

Glad to help!
D

How Much Are You Getting Paid to Play Basketball?

2006-11-30T14:09:00.000-08:00

On a breakaway in the second quarter, human-highlight short film Nate Robinson attempted to perform a dunk-contest-style slam, bouncing the ball off the floor to himself. He was whistled for traveling. And, of course, he missed the dunk. "I won't be trying it again unless we're up by 20," he said. "But that's spontaneous Nate Robinson. I can't control that."

I can't hate on the man too badly; he is my height after all, playing a game dominated by giants. He's really trying to kill that whole underdog vibe, though.

"Vixen"?

2006-11-29T14:02:00.000-08:00

I hate to keep abusing Michael Bauer; I read his blog daily, after all. But sometimes his blog posts are so bland as to be completely misleading and pointless. The man almost never expresses an opinion of any type.

Take his latest post on Top Chef contestant Marisa Churchill. He serves up some factual information about what she's been up to, mentions that she was portrayed as a vixen on Top Chef, and that she has some type of upcoming gig with Maxim.

How the hell does he manage to leave out that:

a. She's really not that attractive. (see picture -- yes, I know. I apologize)
b. She's incredibly annoying.
c. She apparently can't cook anything worth a damn, even pastries, her "specialty."

I would guess that either he hasn't actually watched the show, or he doesn't have any opinions at all.

Of course, all the commenters on his blog get it right.

The title of his article: The hot vixen of "Top Chef."

Should be: The "hot vixen" of Top Chef.

In Other News, Scientists Report that Cats are not Dogs

2006-11-28T12:52:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Michael. Just... thanks.

Go Big or Go Home

2006-11-20T14:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess it's the Pentagon's alternative to Sherwin's famous phrase, "Go big or go home."

Guitar Heroism

2006-09-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

As I type this, my fingers are quivering with exhaustion and my vision is warping from the endless parade of colored dots that only moments ago were streaming before my eyes.

I have beaten every last song in Guitar Hero on expert mode.

Yea, even Bark at the Moon, Cowboys from Hell, even the terrible Ready to Rokk (which was the last song to fall) by my mortal enemy, Freezepop, have been vanquished by the flailings of my frenzied fingers.

I considered smashing my trusty plastic guitar in true classic rock celebration, but I figure I'm going to need it in one piece for Guitar Hero 2, which is due out in mere weeks.

In the meantime, I suppose I should get back to playing a real instrument.

Culinary Triumphs

2006-09-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted lately, but I'll make it up to you with some nice pictures.

So you know that crazy Beard Papa place? The place with the huge cream puffs that people stand in line for hours to get? Well, Susie recently acquired a recipe and set about trying to imitate those bad boy cream puffs. The result is pictured. Sherwin called them better than the original. Then again, he said they were so good that it made him angry.

On Friday, we had Dan, Rachael, and Sherwin over for a nice meal. I made a salad, a baked pasta, and for dessert, creme brulee. I used a Barefoot Contessa recipe (more on her later) that called for Grand Marnier. It was pretty F-ing fabulous. Best of all, I finally got to use the kitchen torch that we received as a wedding present. The recipe made 8, so I've still got one in the fridge. Hm, I think I'll go eat it now...

Today Was a Good Day

2006-08-31T17:44:00.000-07:00

Since it was going to be a slow day at work anyway, I decided to take the day off for my birthday. Since I'd been feeling overscheduled lately, the timing was great.

I did nothing.

When I say "nothing," I mean that I had a leisurely day, doing precisely what I felt like doing at every moment. Except for going to the vet appointment.

What did I do?

I had breakfast in bed. (thanks, Susie!)
I read a book from start to finish.
I ate by myself at Just Won Ton.
I took a nap.
I washed the dishes just because I felt like it.
I played the lute.
I brushed up on the World of Warcraft: The Board Game rules.
I had a great dinner at Range with Susie and my parents. (thanks, parents!)
I watched Project Runway.

So all in all, it was a good day.

And I didn't even have to use my AK.

This is Not News, People!

2006-08-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

It's a fucking horse. Get over it.

Hero Update

2006-08-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Just beat Guitar Hero on Hard difficulty. Now moving on to Expert. I seem to be gaining momentum; I struggled to get through the level 2 songs, but managed to clear level 3 with ease. Soon, my mastery will be complete!

The World Needs a Hero

2006-07-31T17:56:00.000-07:00

Remember my post from last year about how I wanted Guitar Hero for Christmas? Well, I didn't get it then. I think Susie was a little horrified at the idea. So last week, under a minute amount of pressure from Ben, I broke down and got myself the game.

And boy is it ever fun. It conveys all the satisfaction of rocking out on a guitar with the enjoyment and sense of achievement of a game. And, I'm a natural, if I do say so myself. My nimble fingers, guitar training, and ear for music give me a bit of an advantage, I admit. I'm not quite at this guy's level (yet), but I did beat all of the songs on medium difficultly level without much trouble, and am most of the way through hard. I've gotten through a few songs on expert difficultly, and man are they a bitch. But I will beat every song on expert difficulty. Oh yes, I will.

Oh, and by the way, Guitar Hero II comes out in just a couple of months... with co-op mode...

ROCK ON!!!

Magicians Are the New Pirates

2006-07-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/theillusionist/trailer/

http://www.apple.com/trailers/touchstone/theprestige/

Warning: May contain bad simulated accents.

Awkward Spoiler

2006-07-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

Susie and I watched Shopgirl the other night. If you either a.) still want to watch it, or b.) have seen it and don't want me to ruin the warm and fuzzy experience of it for you, please skip this blog entry (Susie).

It was a pretty decent movie. If you like movies that are quirky for the sake of being quirky, you will probably like Shopgirl.

The two main problems I have with it are:

1. None of the characters in the movie have any redeeming qualities. The only reason you develop any emotional connection with them is that they are endearingly awkward conversationalists. Oh, and the fact that Claire Danes owns a cat.

2. The movie contains possibly the most painfully awkward use of voice over I have ever experienced. It literally made me squirm. And cringe. And groan (sorry, Susie). At the very end of the movie you realize why they threw it in there, (Yeah, at first the VO makes it seem like he and she were destined for each other, and then the VO at the end provides a "subtle" ironic twist on that built-up assumption.) but someone involved with the project clearly had a sick thing for Amelie.

Oh, and a note to all you budding movie directors out there: slow motion should never, ever be used for awkward dinner conversation montages.

This post has been brought to you by the word "Awkward."

No, the Other Bauer

2006-07-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty sluggish today. Wonder if it had something to do with the giant slab of carne asada I had a lunch today. Or the raspberry margarita. I've been trying to cut back on the red meat, what with my slightly elevated cholesterol and all. But like I always say, when in a restaurant that Gabe frequents, order as Gabe does. I really do say that, too. Or a paraphrased version thereof. Just ask Gabe.

Speaking of food, anyone who's at all interested in Bay Area cuisine should really check out Michael Bauer's blog on SF Gate. No, he's not going to ask you where the bomb is, but he might just tell you where you might find the bomb burrito.

Plus, he updates his blog much more frequently than I do.

Too Bad I'm Trying to Cut Down

2006-06-27T17:50:00.000-07:00

So, apparently some foolio made a giant guitar out of cheese.

I don't really get it, myself. For one thing, it's waaaay too big. You could never actually play that thing. And for another thing, I'm trying to cut back on saturated fats.

In other news, Sherwin and I brewed up a batch of Irish Red Ale this weekend using the San Francisco Brew Craft house recipe. Look for it at a DS event near you in early August. I think I'll suggest "Loighty Toighty" (you would probably have to be Susie or Sherwin to get this -- ask me to explain next time you see me) or maybe "Brilliant!" as possible names.

Product Review

2006-06-16T11:08:00.001-07:00

So I was at Trader Joe's the other day, looking through the oils/spices/condiments/canned goods/pasta/rice/sauces/crackers aisle, when I remembered that I needed peanut butter. Peanut butter is one of my current breakfast staples, along with raspberry jam and whole wheat bread. I like to have one slice of toast with PB and one with jam. Like a deconstructed PB&J. I know, I know, just sign me up for the next season of Top Chef, right?

Anyway, I was about to pick up the usual TJ's salted creamy peanut butter when I noticed a new product next to it: new organic peanut butter. Now I have my hippy granola tendencies just like most of us, and naturally tend to choose organic over non- when given the option. So I said what the hey and went with the organic stuff. Even though it's twice as expensive, it's organic, so it's better for the environment, and probably tastes better too, right? Oh, and I got the crunchy kind too. Carpeing the diem there.

To sum up: the organic peanut butter does not, in fact, taste better than the regular stuff. It's grossly undersalted, so it tastes quite bland. You might figure with the undersalting and the organic-ness that it would have a wholesome, nutty flavor. You'd be wrong. You could say that I could just put salt on my peanut butter toast, to which I'd say, "Hey, stop telling me how to live my life! I don't tell you how to live yours. Besides telling you what kind of peanut butter not to buy, and that's really more advice than anything." Also, I don't care to add an extra step to my already-busy breakfast routine.

Trader Joe's Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter: just say no.

Product Review

2006-06-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

So I was at Trader Joe's the other day, looking through the oils/spices/condiments/pasta/rice/sauce/cracker/canned goods aisle, when I remembered that I needed peanut butter. Peanut butter is one of my current breakfast staples, along with raspberry jam and whole wheat bread. I like to have one slice of toast with PB and one with jam. Like a deconstructed PB&J. I know, I know, just sign me up for the next season of Top Chef, right?

Anyway, I was about to pick up the usual TJ's salted creamy peanut butter when I noticed a new product next to it: new organic peanut butter. Now I have my hippy granola tendencies just like most of us, and naturally tend to choose organic over non- when given the option. So I said what the hey and went with the organic stuff. Even though it's twice as expensive, it's organic, so it's better for the environment, and probably tastes better too, right? Oh, and I got the crunchy kind too. Carpeing the diem there.

To sum up: the organic peanut butter does not, in fact, taste better than the regular stuff. It's grossly undersalted, so it tastes quite bland. You might figure with the undersalting and the organic-ness that it would have a wholesome, nutty flavor. You'd be wrong. You could say that I could just put salt on my peanut butter toast, to which I'd say, "Hey, stop telling me how to live my life! I don't tell you how to live yours. Besides telling you what kind of peanut butter not to buy, and that's really more advice than anything." Also, I don't care to add an extra step to my already-busy breakfast routine.

Trader Joe's Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter: just say no.

Ugh

2006-06-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was like totally out of comission. Headachy, groggy, queasy, lethargic. I would just assume it was a hangover if it wasn't for the fact that I had only had three drinks the night before. We had been out to dinner at Ramblas and I had had a couple of caiparinhas (and a glass of cava).

The caiparinha is a mojito-like beverage made with cachaca, which is a rum-like distilled alcohol made from unrefined sugar cane, which is used to make cachaca, which is used to make caiparinhas. Which are made with cachaca. Quite tasty. Although you won't see me drinking many more of them after what I went through yesterday. Apparently it's the national drink of Brazil, which is great, seeing as how it's World Cup time and all. Which is apparently related to the fact that our cafeteria is serving pasta with chicken. How international. Go Italy. I did pick them to win the Cup in our family predictions last Thanksgiving, after all.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better today. Thanks for asking.

Stung

2006-05-31T16:19:00.000-07:00

Susie just forwarded me this news story. Apparently Sting is planning to come out with an album of 16th century lute music. Well that's just great. You know, him stealing my idea and all.

I don't know which is worse: that people will think I'm I poseur, or that they'll think I'm a Sting fan/wannabe.

In Sure Ants Paul Icy

2006-05-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

This week, I met with our financial advisor (aka Mike Lallana) and submitted an application for life insurance, among other things. Life insurance has always been a bit of a strange concept for me, a bit creepy somehow. It's like you're betting a company $20 a month at 5000-to-1 odds that you'll die that month. And even if you do happen to "win," you can't exactly go on a spending spree and enjoy your winnings. So you play the "it's for piece of mind while you're alive" card, which I guess justifies spending $20 a month. I guess. I don't really like to think about it too much.

Even stranger is "whole" life insurance, which is some kind of weird life insurance/retirement plan crossbreed. Basically, it's way more expensive than regular old term life insurance, but it also carries with it a tax-exempt savings account that grows in value over time. And instead of ending after a specific term (like term life insurance), you keep it until it pays out (i.e., you die), or you pull all of the cash out. So, it's kind of like life insurance you can actually use while you're alive. So it's got that going for it. Plus, it starts paying you after you retire. Which is hella weird. Except you gotta figure that they've been investing your premiums all this time, and by the time they have to pay out anything, that money will be worth a whole lot less due to inflation. One million dollars ain't looking so hot in the year 2080. So, it's kind of a crapshoot.

Here endeth the lesson for today.

Much Ado About Nothing

2006-05-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Susie and I handed in a rental application for a two bedroom house in Bernal Heights. It had a nice little backyard that would have been great for grilling. The extra counter space in the kitchen would have been handy. The garage space would have meant additional scope for brewing and storage. And of course, the second bedroom would have been swell.

We didn't get it. Oh well. It was on a crummy little one-way side street that would have been a bit of pain to drive every day. And our current place is perfectly habitable now that Herschel is gone (although our new downstairs neighbors, who are Indian, I believe, have very loud speaking voices).

Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors; I had a margarita at lunch.

Never Rob a Magician...

2006-04-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

"Look, my pockets are empty."

Copperfield Robbed at Gunpoint

Magician David Copperfield and two female assistants were robbed at gunpoint on Sunday night after a performance in West Palm Beach, Fla.

At 11:15 pm, the illusionist and his assistants, Cathy Daly and Mia Volmut, were walking back to their tour bus when a black car pulled up beside them.

According to a statement issued by Copperfield's representative, "At first we thought they were just more people wanting autographs.

"They told us to give them money and our stuff. At that point we realized that there were guns in our face."

His assistants handed over money, plane tickets and other items.

Copperfield turned his pockets inside out to show he had nothing on him -- a sleight of hand by the illusionist, who later showed police he was carrying a passport, wallet and cellphone.

As the assailants drove away, Copperfield and Daly took down the car's license plate numbers and called the police.

Officers quickly arrived on the scene and captured the suspects, who were later positively identified by the victims.

Police say four teenagers were arrested, charged with armed robbery and held without bond and all stolen property was recovered.

Copperfield's statement added, "I look forward to coming back to Palm Beach in the future, knowing that crime can happen anywhere, but from what I witnessed from the officers that night, we were lucky to be in Palm Beach when it did happen."

My God Wanted Me to Have a 350Z

2006-04-19T15:48:00.000-07:00

Amazing how some people can justify their excesses, isn't it?

Soul star Mary J. Blige isn't shy about flaunting her flashy lifestyle and insists God wants her to have nice things.

The singer is a born-again Christian and makes no apologies about her luxurious tastes.

She explains, "My God is a God who wants me to have things. He wants me to bling.

"He wants me to be the hottest thing on the block.

"I don't know what kind of God the rest of y'all are serving, but the God I serve says, 'Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year, and I'm gonna make sure you're doing that.'"

Noooooooo!!!!!!

2006-04-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

First, there was the book. Homeschooled Christopher Paolini wrote Eregon between the ages of 15 and 19. His parents had it published through their publishing company. Through contacts of theirs, it was later re-edited, re-packaged, and re-released on the Knopf label. It is an utter travesty of literature. Although borderline plagiaristic and excrutiatingly amaturish, the most offensive thing about this work is how the marketing of it puts Paolini up on a pedestal of precocity, as if the mere fact of the book's existence should provide a shield from any criticism. "Well, it was written by a 17-year old, and it got published, so it must be great." It makes J.K. Rowling look like J.R.R. Tolkien. But don't take my word for it (I haven't read it after all. Don't have the stomach for it), read an intelligent review of it. Or just go to Amazon.com. And laugh.

Then, the movie was announced. For god's sake, Jeremy Irons, didn't you learn your lesson with Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie? John Malkovich, you are dead to me.

Now, a video game? Ok, Christopher, you've had your fun. But now you've gone too far!

Home Sick

2006-04-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

No, not homesick; I am back from Texas. And I think the two are mutually exclusive. In fact, I came down with a nasty cold yesterday and so am blogging from home. Not much to say today, really. Here's what I've been up to:

Playing Boggle

Seriously, this is like the most addictive game ever. Now I understand how people can play round after round of Counterstrike for hours on end. Just... one... more... game. At least it keeps my mind active.

If you'll excuse me, I hear a game calling...

Beer Update

2006-04-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

Since I'm sure all of you (both of you?) who visit this site regularly want to know how the brewing is going, I thought I'd give y'all (yes, I'm still in Texas) an update on the exploits of the DS Brewing Company, in lieu of an actual beer blog per se. Wow, that was overwritten. Anyway:

Batch 1 -- Lit Candle IPA -- A nice, crisp IPA, not overly hoppy. A success on our first batch! (Dan supervised). A San Francisco Brewcraft house recipe. Only one bottle left in existence, currently being archived in Sherwin's fridge.

Batch 2 -- Are You Serious? Amber Ale -- A well-balanced ale. A San Francisco Brewcraft house recipe. Sherwin brewed this one solo. Major flaw was excessive carbonation causing spillage and a long wait for the foam to settle. One bottle had some type of chlorophenol taint. Guess I shouldn't have licked the cap before bottling. Only one bottle left in existence, currently being archived in Sherwin's fridge.

Batch 3 -- Twenty-Fizzle Pale Ale -- To celebrate Sherwin's 25th. A light pale ale with a touch of apricot essence added to enhance the hop aroma. This recipe was a clone of Magic Hat #9 from the book Microbrewed Adventures (thanks, Megan and Giles). Very popular with the ladies (the beer, not the book). Two bottles still exist.

Batch 4 -- D's Nut Brown Ale -- A dark brown ale, almost a porter. Excellent roasty coffe and nut flavors. This beer had a disgusting plastic/sock taste up until about 30 days in the bottle, but is now quite nicely balanced. Roughly 30 bottles remain. Get 'em while they last.

Batch 5 -- currently unnamed (I Love Gold...en Ale?) -- A golden ale, should be light in color and flavor. Another San Francisco Brewcraft house recipe. Just bottled last weekend, should be ready for tasting in 2-3 weeks. All bottles still exist.

Batch 6 -- currently unnamed (Raspberry Wheat Supremacy? Finger Wagging Wheat?)-- Intended to be a raspberry wheat beer. Currently in secondary fermenter. Still have to add raspberry extract at some point. But when, and how much? Who knows....

Got any name suggestions for our beers? Want to weigh in on what our next batch should be? Do so... now.

Howdy, Y'all

2006-04-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm back in Austin this week. Had to fly out on Sunday. At least I was able to catch a nonstop flight, and managed to get an "Economy Plus" seat. I actually had enough room to cross my legs!

God I'm tired. My alarm woke me up at 8:00am this morning, which wouldn't be bad except for the fact that my body thought it was 5:00am (time zone change + daylight savings time ending = crazy delicious). ZZZ.

In further news, in order to preempt a possible meat overload, I have instituted a no-consecutive-days-of-barbecue rule.

I'm essentially just here to babysit an engineer and an artist, and to make sure Things Get Done Properly. But as it seems that everyone is fully motivated and already knows what to do, I'm bored. In Austin. Where the tap water smells (and tastes!) like dirt. Bonus. Drop me a line. I'm bored.

Spinners Are Bad Enough

2006-03-30T18:06:00.000-08:00

I really hope these don't catch on....

Taco Hell

2006-03-24T11:07:00.000-08:00

Sherwin, Susie, and I have been craving Taco Bell since Susie brought it up in conversation while we were all at Sugar Lounge (hotsweatycrampedcrowdedyuppieswaterydrinksnevergothere) on Saturday. Finally last night we fulfilled our craving.

We drove our bounty home with the windows rolled down to avoid ruining the new car smell with Taco Smell.

Since Susie and Sherwin we both vegetarianing, I alone got to savor the meaty goodness of Taco Bell. I was quite impressed with the new Crunchwrap Supreme(tm), and managed to reverse-engineer the technology behind it:

One flour tortilla.

Meaty cheesy toppings.

One flat corn tortilla, presumably the same one used in the so-called Mexican pizza, used to provide structure. The corn tortilla is placed in the center of the flour tortilla; we'll see why in a moment.

Other usual suspect toppings (lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, etc.)

Now here's the brilliant part: the flour tortilla is now folded up around the corn tortilla, giving the CWS its unique and brillant shape. It is now kind of like a ninja-throwing-star/Taco-Bell-food-ingredient-conveying disk, and one that's fun to eat to boot!

Note that it's been 2-3 years since I've had any fast food, let alone Taco Bell. So just take my word for it that my stomach felt kind of gross for a while, and my bowels were not thanking me for it. Ah yes, I'll stop there.

And yes, I probably did spell "tortilla" as "torilla" at some point. Please forgive me.

Need For Speed

2006-03-21T16:36:00.000-08:00

For the few of you that don't already know, yes, I bought, er... leased, a new Nissan 350Z. Color: Silverstone. HP: 287. MPG: 18.

Why the hell did I do this? I'm such a practical guy, right? For one thing, I think it's the coolest-looking car on the planet. (I don't care what Gabe says about the door handles; they are awesome.) For another, well, it seemed like the only time in my life when I could get away with driving a badass car and have it not seem like a midlife crisis.

R.I.P. Tony Almeida 2001-2006

2006-03-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

Yeeeeehaw!

2006-03-17T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have been a bit remiss with my blog posting lately. I apologize. I will attempt to quickly catch you up on all that's been happening.

A couple weeks ago, I went on my first ever business trip... to Austin, TX. I never thought I would spend any length of time in Texas. And you know what? It wasn't half bad. Of course, whenever I mention Austin in conversation, the other party is always compelled to express that Austin is much better than other parts of Texas. And you know what? It seems quite likely. It's kind of like when you tell someone a family member has been sent to Afghanistan for military duty; the response is that well, at least it's not Iraq. Only completely different. Nevermind.

Had some great barbecue there, stayed at a nice hotel, ordered room service, got to use the company credit card, drove a huge rental car (Mercury Montego: very comfortable, drives like a pig [How do pigs drive?]). Was very impressed with 6th street: there's a 5 or 6 block stretch of downtown Austin near the university in which practically every establishment is a bar. There's (crappy) live music everywhere, and you can't walk a block without getting offered several $1 Long Islands or beers by the teeming hordes of bouncers. Most impressive. Which is not to say fun.

That's about all I have to say about Austin. I was only there for about 48 hours and it didn't seem that bad. Oh, I do have one piece of advice: don't expect the IHOPs there to be anywhere better than IHOPs elsewhere. Not that you would... but, you know, just in case. ;)

It's Raining Beer!

2006-03-13T10:24:00.000-08:00

Pretty funny story today. Reminds me of the beer commercial where it starts raining and all these guys think that beer is falling from the sky.

Yeah, not really very exciting. Sorry.

Happy Birthday, Susie!

OMGWTFBBQ

2006-03-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

Uh... Crash? Are you serious? Did you actually watch the movie before you voted? Or did you just say, "Hey, I'm tired of movies about gay issues. I think it's time to recognize a totally hackneyed, predictable film about a bunch of annoying L.A.-ites that shows that you can't judge a book by its cover. Brilliant."

Ugh. Crash was the only one of the Best Picture nominees that I actually saw. And I wouldn't have voted for it.

Then again, there have been some pretty awful Best Picture winners. Can you say, "Titanic"?

Wha' Happen?

2006-02-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

So recently my laptop's been having problems connecting to the wireless network. After unsuccessfully trying to troubleshoot my router and DSL modem yesterday, I took my laptop to work to see if I could isolate the problem to my wireless network card. Sure enough, I discovered that somehow, the radio on the wireless card had been turned off, mostly likely by pressing Fn-F2. Now who would have done that?

Na na, na na na na. Way-hay, good bye.

2006-02-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

As Susie and I were leaving good ol' #8 this morning, we discovered to our great surprise and delight that our nemesis in apt. #4 (We'll call him H. You know, for Herschel.) was moving out.

Instantly, my day went from average to superb.

H. has been a near-constant annoyance since he moved in a year ago. He's rude, loud, and unstable.

Encounter A: We hear music blasting from downstairs. We can recognize the tunes and hear the words. After pounding on his door for a couple of minutes, we discover that H. has been blasting his music in the living room while he was in the shower. He is unapologetic.

Encounter B: 11:00 am on Sunday. Susie's string trio is rehearsing. Herschel knocks on our door, asking us not to play before noon on Sundays because it's his girlfriend's only day to sleep in. WTF?

Encounter C: 2:00 AM. Susie and I are asleep. Phone rings. H. asks us to turn down the TV. After receiving a groggy explanation that we were asleep, he hangs up without apology.

Encounter D: Another instance of extremely loud music. Floor stomped, door pounded to no avail. Police called. At first we think he has just left with the music on, but then we discover he is lurking in his kitchen staring at the policeman and me through the window. He does not respond, so policeman has to leave. Encounters A-D reported to landlord. H. claims that his computer was set to play music as it finished downloading while he was out... which doesn't explain the volume or staring presence.

You can see why we are so jubilant at his departure. Maybe my new amp had something to do with it? Now we can only pray for quiet, polite downstairs neighbors.

Good riddance!

Tax Time!

2006-02-22T11:44:00.000-08:00

Tax talk, eh? What a boring blog, you say? Hey, I'm not making you read it. Well, I just finished our taxes (yes, while I was at work), and to my great relief we owe a lot less than I feared. Aren't you all relieved? Since I executed a bunch of stock options, did some freelance work, and didn't pay taxes on unemployment, I was afraid tax season would take a big chunk out of our savings. I guess being unemployed for a few months really helped out. And now we have money to buy that sweet hybrid....

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T14:19:00.000-08:00

Susie and I aren't doing anything special today, just choral rehearsal. Whee. Instead, we had a fun and relaxing getaway over the weekend. We drove down to Costanoa for a little R&R amongst nature. On Saturday we went on a nice three hour hike through the redwoods and had a picnic lunch. It wasn't all roughing it though -- far from it, in fact. Upon our arrival, we were greeted with champagne and chocolates. We also got massages and had a pretty tasty prix fixe meal. Not bad for those Santa Cruz hippies!

We spotted some nice wildlife as well: many quail, hawks, newts, and banana slugs. And Susie got to use her cat-befriending skills on two fine specimens.

Sadly, though, our camera batteries died after two pictures. It was my fault; I hadn't charged the battery. I imagined the following exchange:

Jack Bauer: (shouting) IS THE CAMERA BATTERY CHARGED?
Me: N...n...
J.B.: IS THE CAMERA BATTERY CHARGED?
Me: N... no, sir! But the camera doesn't show the low battery sign. There's got to be plenty of charge le--
J.B.: CHARGE IT ANYWAY!
Me: What?
J.B.: CHARGE IT ANYWAY! THE TERRORISTS MIGHT HAVE DISABLED THE LOW BATTERY LIGHT!
Me: Uh... y-yes, sir.

Or maybe we've been watching too much 24.

Beat That, Suckah!

2006-02-09T16:43:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Sherwin for passing on this wretched little web game and making me waste several minutes perfecting my score (3.985, by the way).

Jack Bauer Power Hour

2006-02-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

Susie and I finished season four of 24 on Sunday and started on the first six hours of season five that we have on Tivo. My favorite quote:

"The only reason you're still conscious is that I don't want to carry you." - Jack Bauer (who else?)

How Much For That MP3???

2006-02-03T17:00:00.000-08:00

I'm sure this is just another one of the things that the hip young folks have known about for years, but I just heard through the grapevine (read: Sherwin) about http://www.allofmp3.com. Apparently it's some shady Russian website that sells MP3s for literally pennies on iTunes' dollar. Songs average between 10 and 15 cents. Albums are around $1.25. A DOLLAR TWENTY-FIVE FOR AN ALBUM! Christ, even if you could download a particular song for free somewhere else, it might be worth paying a dime just to not have to search for it. Hell, it might be worth paying a dime for a song you already own just so you wouldn't have to go over to the CD rack, find the CD, pop it in the computer, and rip the song. Time is money, peeps.

How is all this possible, you might ask? It seems like it's either:
a.) That the going rate for music in Russia is just that low, for currency-related and other socio-economic (what a great word... or is it two?) reasons.
b.) In no way legal, and will soon be shut down.

Either way, get your MP3s while they're hot, and before America's record labels force the US governement to shut http://www.allofmp3.com.

EA Layoffs

2006-02-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not leaking any internal information. In fact, I'll link to a public article here.

Interesting quote: "You realign your resources to figure out what your priorities are and then figure out how to execute them most efficiently."

That's funny; it seems like you would want to figure out what your priorities were before aligning your resources. Maybe that's EA's problem: management does everything backwards.

A friend pointed out that the quote also sounds suspiciously like:

Step 1: Line up people on wall.

Step 2: Put important ones at front of line.

Step 3: Open fire.

State of the Union

2006-01-31T15:05:00.000-08:00

This is the only way I would ever consider watching Bush's State of the Union speach. Although it would increase the already-not-inconsiderable chance of vomiting from looking at his ugly, smarmy, stupid-monkey mug.

Quote of the Day

2006-01-30T16:52:00.000-08:00

"There is apparently an ESPN "Global Planning Meeting" at 11 a.m.; there are several sheets of paper on the walls proclaiming this event. I suspect this meeting will be where ESPN (a) plots how to cover the Super Bowl and (b) decides how it will respond to the Palestinian elections (I say we play hard to get). It's weird being here, because everybody knows each other, and I don't know anyone, and everyone has work to do, and I have nothing to offer; all I can really do is look at the Internet and check the results from the SAG awards. I see that the big winner was "Crash," a movie designed for people in Los Angeles who just figured out that racism was "complex" (and must therefore be secretly central to every conversation any two Americans ever have). I wish one of the bears from "Grizzly Man" would eat Matt Dillon and Ludacris."

Chuck Klosterman, reporting from ESPN's Superbowl HeadQuarters

Are You Serious?

2006-01-30T14:38:00.000-08:00

No, I’m not talking about the seriously-tasty DS Brewing Company Amber Ale. I’m talking about this trailer. At first I thought it was for a video game, then I just assumed it was a spoof. But… it looks like it's actually a "real" movie. Good god. This could be worse than Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie. The cast might be even worse than Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds, and the bald action hero from The Transporter. (Seriously, though, I have nothing against bald people; It's just hard to root for them to kick serious ass. Unless they're basketball players. And even then they're not really kicking ass; more just jumping over people.) I’m just stunned. Please watch. And become confused as I am.

I'm Freaking Huge!

2006-01-27T16:43:00.000-08:00

I've been able to get into the gymn 2 or 3 times a week, that's been working out pretty well for me, so to speak. I can lift heavier weights now than ever before, and my body's starting to reflect that. It's gotten to the point where I go to put on deodorant, and I'm like, "Woah, my armpits are so big from my huge pecs." TMI? Sorry, I just had to share the experience of being surprised at the size of my armpits. Guess you would have had to be there.

Anyway, my posse and I rolled out to check out the Chronic-cles of Narnia last weekend. We couldn't find the Mr. Pibb or Red Vines, but we did make the group in sitting in front of us laugh at our references to movie trivia being the illest. Sadly, there was no movie trivia at the theater, so screaming out Matthew Perry would have been nonsensical.

The movie was pretty good. I give it a B+. On par with Spider Man. What was up with the weird blur slow-motion effect when Aslan killed the White Witch though. That was weird, huh? Oh, and here's a couple of tips for you if you ever get transported back to a fantasy land and have to act as general for an army of mythical beasts:

If you're going to have your flying creatures drop rocks and crap on the enemy, have them fly above the range of the enemy archers.

Also, if you have a superior defensive position, such as having archers positioned on top of a clifftop, you might consider having them fire before engaging the enemy on foot.

The Chronic -- WHAT?

2006-01-19T14:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon pretty late, but I got to give a shout out to Cathy for serving up this ill link. If you haven't seen it, STEP ON IT, SUCKA!

I now know what I need to do this weekend. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Now I just need to find me some Mr. Pibb, Red Vines, and cupcakes.

Big-headed Girl

2006-01-18T14:33:00.000-08:00

AKA Giada De Laurentiis. Her cooking is attractive (although I think Food Network has something funny going on with color saturation), but the fish-eye lens and camera angle used on her show make her head look gigantic. Or maybe it's just that big. Whatever.

Anyway, I caught this article about an episode of Everyday Italian on which she was caught with a rather funny reaction to tasting her cranberry sorbet.

Haha, yes! I always hate those smarmy Food Network personalities who have on-camera orgasms when they taste their delicacies. Rachael Ray is the worst. C'mon R Dub, does everything taste that good. Really? Do you have to rub it in my face that you're eating Kobe beef with shaved truffles while I'm eating frozen pizza?

So it's good to see Giada getting her comeuppance. That will teach you to overpronounce Italian words. "SpahGAAAYTTT-ttteee." But maybe if you have a name like Giada De Laurentiis you should be excused.

Asian Pop Resolutions

2006-01-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

Because I'm too lazy to produce original material for my blog, I'll happily direct you to this amusing take on New Year's resolutions by SF Gate writer Jeff Yang. My favorite segment:

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink ($2.99 per can): Martial artist-turned-action-hero-turned-Tibetan monk-turned-assclown Steven Seagal has put his questionable endorsement on a grade-Z line of energy beverages that promises to offer the "Asian Experience." You may disagree, but Seagal is just about the last person on earth I want interpreting the Asian experience, especially for something that I'm supposed to put in my mouth. The drinks' listed ingredients range from Tibetan Goji Berry to Asian Cordyceps to Gingko Biloba. I suspect they actually taste of shame and desperation.

I'm Baaaack!

2006-01-04T15:02:00.000-08:00

I've always hated New Year's resolutions. What could be more trite? I mean, why do you need to buy a new calendar just to set some goals for self-improvement.

HOWEVER... this is a brand new year, and I intend to stop being quite so judgmental. Especially about silly things like New Year's resolutions. So, in my newfound spirit of open-mindedness, I would like to announce the following resolutions for 2006.

1. I will be more open-minded about the foibles, flaws, mistakes, imperfections and insecurities of others. Very giving of me, isn't it? I figure it will help me keep my stress levels down.

2. I will try to excercise more frequently. Instead of trying to go to the gym twice a week (and actually going once), I will try to go three times a week (and hopefully get in a least twice).

3. I will eat more healthily (heathy? healthfully?). No more finishing every last dessert on the table.

4. I will do something creative every day: write, play the lute, sing, whatever. Just got to keep up the momentum.

That should do it. Don't want to get too ambitious. Gotta keep all this up for 365 days so I can really slack off next year. Note that "I will blog more frequently" is not one of my resolutions. Keep your expectations low and everyone will come out a winner.

Milestone

2005-12-12T14:47:00.000-08:00

Recently, my car hit the major milestone of 100,000 miles. Quite something. As much as I malign my car for its dents, scrapes, and disintigrating interior, the Altissima has been extremely reliable. Not bad for my first car.

I hope my frequent talk of replacing my car hasn't offended it. I don't particularly enjoy the fact that passengers worry about the door handle falling off. But the car's been paid off for a while now, so every month the Altissima holds up is like money in the bank.

Here's a blurry photo that dramatically implies I was going much faster when I hit 100k (although the speedometer tells the real story).

Teh Winnar!!!!!!!!!11111oneoneone

2005-12-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back, I entered a little internal game design contest at Maxis. Borrowing an idea or two from another game, I managed to come up with a decent design that fulfilled the requirements (2-4 player co-op, theme of "generations"). My favorite aspect of the game was that I used yellow gemstone tokens to represent the bladder motive. How could you not love a cheap gimmick like that?

As I said, that was several weeks back, and I hadn't heard anything back about the results. I had pretty much forgotten about it (except that Ben kept asking me about it every time I saw him). I wasn't really hoping to win, but I was strangely proud of myself for getting the dang thing together and actually entering it.

Anyway, I got to work a bit late this morning and realized everyone was in a departmental meeting. Oops. Oh well. Then on my way to lunch, a co-worker told me, "Congratulations!" During the meeting, I had been announced the winner of the game design contest. Throughout the day I had people stopping me in the hall to wish me congratulations. I'm like a minor celebrity around here. For the day, at least.

Here's the prize. Guess I know what I'm doing on my upcoming trans-Atlantic flight.

Not bad for a $7.48 investment in colored glass tokens (and a few office supplies that no one will miss).

Cat Show!

2005-11-30T14:42:00.000-08:00

I finally uploaded the pictures I took from the cat show that Susie, Rachael and I went to a couple of weekends ago. Yes, a cat show. Just like a dog show, only with, you know, cats. It was half pet store/flea market and half competition. We couldn't really get good seats for the judging, so the best part was this area where a judge lady was talking about qualities of different breeds (with handsome examples, naturally). From this lecture, we learned that cats play essentially three types of games:

Mouse, in which the cat chases a small, quick object on the ground (such as a bit of string or a ball).
Bird, in which the cat likes to bat at or jump at things off the ground or above them.
Rabbit, in which the cat seizes a bigger object with its forelegs, and bites it and rakes it with its back legs. Claudio is quite partial to playing rabbit, especially when a nice, juicy hand presents itself as said rabbit.

One of our favorites was the fluffy and friendly Norwegian forest cat. To quote the Cat Fancier's Association:

These are the cats that explored the world with the Vikings, protecting the grain stores on land and sea, and which are believed to have left their progeny on the shores of North America as a legacy to the future.

I ended up with a lot of blurry pictures of cats. They just wouldn't sit still, dang them! The one that came out the best was of the cat that was trained to play (read: move its paw up and down on) the piano.

I also got a blurry shot of a cat dunking a basket ball. Awwww.

Back at Work

2005-11-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

It's almost a relief to be back at work. Weird, I know. But I got so little done at the beginning of last week that it felt like more than just four days off. Plus I get to go back the gym (gymn? -- what do the young folks call it these days?). It's probably been 2 weeks since my last workout.

In related news, I've gotten several (ok, a couple of) comments on my new, improved physique in the last month or two, which is nice. I suppose it's easy to add noticeable muscle to a scrawny frame like mine. Not bad for 4-5 months of 1-2 workouts a day -- sorry, did I say day? I meant week. No, it's nothing like Sherwin's Project Diesel.

Sorry for the paucity of posts of late. I promise to get together a couple of juicy new posts with pictures and everything as soon as I get a chance to download from our camera.

Lute Down!

2005-11-18T11:46:00.000-08:00

I had my first lute-related injury yesterday (if you don't count the backaches I get from holding such a deucedly uncomfortable instrument). Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), it was the lute that was injured, not me. As I was trying flatten my heavy book of lute instruction to get it to sit properly on the piano, it slipped and fell directly onto the lute's rose. A small portion of the rose was damaged; a bit of the delicate wooden carving was smashed. It doesn't affect the sound of the instrument at all, but it does look pretty bad up close. Kind of sad to have damaged it only two weeks after buying it. At least I will now be able to justify buying another lute at some point in the future.

On the plus side, I can now use the lute as a rattle, as a piece of the rose is now loose inside the body of the instrument.

On the real plus side, the lute rose wasn't that great to begin with. It's not one of the fancier roses used in more recently-made (and more historically-accurate) instruments.

It looks nothing like this:

All I Want for Christmas

2005-11-15T11:37:00.000-08:00

So there's this guy who sits in an adjacent cube who's always going on and on about this Guitar Hero PlayStation 2 game to anyone who will listen. I get to hear a good 2-3 lectures per day on how to play the game, and also have to put up with the clanking sounds coming from a cheap plastic guitar controller. I would tell him to stop slacking and do some work, but that might draw attention to the fact that I'm not exactly the Prince of Industriousness over here.

In any case, the game actually sounds pretty fun. I mean, it's got classic rock and metal songs, and who doesn't like that? It's got a controller shaped like a guitar -- an instrument I play, hello? And, well, it's a video game. What's not to like. I'm a little concerned it would be a little too easy, though. It might be kind of like if EA made a cycling game that came with a stationary bike controller, and Lance Armstrong got a copy. I mean, he would totally pwn that game. Of course, maybe I wouldn't exactly be Lance Armstrong in this analogy. Maybe more like, well, what's one of those other really good cyclists that no one's ever heard of? Yeah, him, what's his name? Oh, no one's ever heard of him? Well never mind.

I Don't Want Your Blood Money!

2005-11-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I received a $40 check -- my share of the profits from the ill-fated concert I participated in a few weeks back. (See http://oldwinyards.blogspot.com/2005/10/worst-concert-ever.html if you missed it.) Given how awful the experience was, I feel a bit weird about taking money from the group; I had originally planned on refusing it. However, I did earn that money after all -- I have the mental scars to prove it. Oh, and the program too. No, I did throw that away.

Now the only debate is how best to spend the filthy lucre. Paying for a single singing lesson might have a certain amount of poetic justice. Or I could get 3-4 used CDs from Amoeba. Or I could buy $40 worth of MacDonald's (MacDonalds'? MacDonalds's?) cheeseburgers. How would that exemplify poetic justice? It wouldn't. Not really. But it sure would be funny making MacDonald's employees get together an order of 85 cheeseburgers. Come to think of it, that would take an awful long time. Maybe that's not such a good idea. Oh well. I guess I could just say that the $40 will pay for that $40 sweater I bought at Norstrom on Saturday. But what would be the fun in that?

Carmine Banana

2005-11-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

So Susie and I went to hear the SF Symphony do Carmina Burana last night. It was totally awesome. Like Beethoven's 9th, it's something everyone should hear performed live. The double choir, the horde of percussionists, the extensive brass section -- everything combines to form a massive wall of sound. Very dramatic, much more so than listening to a recording. If only more concerts could be like that.

Lute playing's coming along. I was a little freaked out when I realized that right-hand technique was so different from guitar. The thumb plays the strong beats of the melody, unlike with guitar in which the thumb pretty much just plays bass notes. Chords are also played differently. In chords of 5 courses or more, the thumb and/or index finger have to cover multiple courses. This leads to the awkward feat of strumming down with the thumb and up with the other three fingers simultaneously. Kind of hard to describe, but possibly like trying to play two arpeggios on the piano in opposite directions at the same time -- with one hand. Anyway, I think I'm getting the hang of it (Ask Susie for a dissenting opion.), and should be able to play some nice simple tunes shortly.

Ph4t l00t

2005-11-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

So Wednesday I bought my lute. It's an 8 course lute made by Aria in 1975. It seems appropriate somehow that my lute is as old as I am. Like most lutes made pre-1980, this one is a bit guitar-like in that the bridge is a bit farther forward, the fingerboard isn't as tapered, etc. But I only paid $750 for it, compared to the $2000 or so I would have had to spend on a better, more recent instrument.

So far, the addage that I spend more time tuning it than playing it seems to be true. Hell, there are 15 strings (!) after all. That's like 150% more than the guitar. Well, the strings are all new, so hopefully they'll settle in. Keep an eye on this space in the future for lute jokes. There seem to be more lute jokes than there are actual lutes around, for some reason.

Anyway, I'm pretty pleased with it so far. The sounds (at least the few I've been able to produce) are quite cool. I've got a lot to learn about how to play it, however. The right-hand technique (no jokes, please) is a fair amount different from classical guitar; fortunately the left-hand is practically identical. Still, no concert requests for a while, please.

No, Claudio. Lutes aren't for eating.

Randomness

2005-11-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to jot down a few quick thoughts before my caffeine buzz wears off and I lose the will to do anything but surf the web.

Driving to work today, I saw a truck from a Modesto Food Services truck with the following slogan on it: "Poultry in Motion."
And another thing that made me wish I had a camera phone: while heading south on 280, traffic was slowed because a water main had burst and a 40 ft high geyser of water was cascading onto the freeway. Pretty dramatic sight.
Just browsing on the Dell site (My laptop is 2+ years old and will be obsolete any day now.), I came across the following available option: Accidental Damage Protection (Except in Florida). Wow, are they that worried about hurricanes?
While looking at laptops on Newegg.com (FOR WORK, GOSH!): **Dead Pixel Policy: There must be 7+ dead pixels in order to obtain a replacement notebook. Does it matter how they die? And does it count if you kill the pixels yourself?

Worst. Concert. Ever.

2005-10-31T13:17:00.000-08:00

On Friday night I took part in the worst concert that I have ever performed in. It may well have been the worst concert I have ever seen as well. Fortunately, I didn't have to watch it, although others that did have confirmed that it was horrible. Even my dad knew something was amiss, so you know it was quite obviously bad.

Naturally it got off to a bad start when the so-called artistic director gave us the wrong opening pitch for our first piece. Then the (actual) director gave us the correct pitch (a third or so lower), but the artistic director didn't notice. So we had quite a few different interpretations of the first couple notes of the piece, but I steered the group back to the correct pitch.

The rest of the first half was fairly shaky. The sopranos were flat. The tenors were not just flat, but tended to fade in and out, lose their place, and just plain sing the wrong pitches. But we got to the intermission without having to stop altogether. In fact, during intermission, I remarked to my fellow singers, "Hey, at least we didn't have to start any pieces over."

Some might say I jinxed things. I would say that what followed was simply inevitable.

The tenors soon missed an entrance. Then another. Whole movements passed with the tenors phasing in and out in loose synchronization. Eventually we got to a movement in which the tenors entered first. Except they failed to get their entrance pitch (C) from the ending note of the intonation (F), and the group staggered along for a few measures until the conductor mercifully cut us off. This time the tenors were granted a fresh pitch from a bell. This wasn't enough to save us as the group again got off track and ground to a halt. The audience was getting restless. Fortunately, the third time was the charm and we made it through the movement.

We struggled through towards the end of the Cardosa Requiem and reached the point where the basses sang the intonations. I was concerned about this section since we hadn't rehearsed it until the day of the concert(!). Of course, I had practiced it, so I was able to shout the other two basses down and get through the intonations ok. Sadly, our conductor had given the higher intonation (which repeated three times at different points) to the tenors. Despite the fact that they had had at least a week to learn one measly line of music, they completely dropped the ball. I was tempted to belt it out for them, but I was so dispirited by this point that pure schadenfreude held me back. Suffice to say that it sucked.

Mercifully, the program came to a close.

There however a few good points about all this:

I had comp tickets for Susie and Sherwin.
Tickets were only $10 each for my parents.
Some of the people in the group were quite nice.
I'll never have to sing with those clowns again.

Please excuse any typos or grammatical errors as the product of post-traumatic stress.

Do YouCarPlay?

2005-10-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

So, I was driving to work yesterday in a light rain when I noticed a bit of static from my stereo. Listening to it, I noticed it was periodic. After another second, I realized that every time my windshield wipers wiped, there was a burst of static on the stereo. That's right. My windshield wipers were interfering with the FM signal being sent from my iCarPlay. Are you serious? My antenna is in the back of my car, nowhere near the windshield wipers. Christ! At least I don't live in Seattle. I mean, sure, I have a CD player in the dash, and a 6-disc changer in the trunk, but I don't want to actually have to swap discs. I want to have thousands of songs at my fingertips, only several dozen of which I actually listen to.

Inbox - Microsoft Outlook

2005-10-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

My work email inbox is empty. This is a good thing. I generally use my inbox as a task lisk -- irrelevant emails and spam get deleted, useful information gets filed, and email that requires follow-up hangs around until followed-up (which could take months. Although if I've had an email for months, I usually just get so tired of looking at it that I just delete it). Depending on how busy I am, I could have up to 50 emails or more sitting in my inbox at one time.

Ah, the glamorous life of a contractor. I have nothing to do. In fact, the only reason I came to work today was to meet with my boss's boss about jobs, but he postponed. At least I can use the gym while I'm here. And use the photocopier.

Dum dee dum. Do dee do. Whee.

Hey, there's an incoming message. Oh, it's just spam from Dell.

Dum dee dum dee dum.

Hey, look at the time. Just about time for a two hour lunch. See you later.

Feasting

2005-10-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well, although test results show that my blood pressure and cholesterol are a tad high, that hasn't stopped me from gorging myself on good food and drink lately. Let's recap:

Wednesday: Sushi from Ichiban? Iraku? What the heck's the name of that place again? And plum sake at Sherwin's. (Hey, Sherwin, take the sake out of the freezer. It will just turn into sake slush. I know, I've done it before.)
Thursday: Dinner at Cafe Kati (pronounced "Katie," apparently) with Susie. I had the most delicious miso-glazed black bass I'd ever had. Come to this of it, it's probably the first one I've had, too. And half a bottle of Rombauer merlot. Yes, merlot. But not really half a bottle. Technically, more like most of a half bottle.
Friday: Dinner at Aziza with Susie and my parents. Couldn't bring myself to order the vegetable stew, and tried to go light by ordering squab, which ended up rather duck-like. Quite tasty, though. Couple glasses of Dolcetto.
Saturday: 6:00: Dinner at Sociale. Happy Birthday, Mary! The food was better than it was the last two times I was there. Service too. Weird. I guess if you must go, go on a weekend. But don't rely on the heat lamps. You'll either freeze or bake. I only ordered some butternut squash spaetzle (which were quite good), because I had to make it to 8:15: Dinner at Lulu. Dinner was being paid for by the company, so it's too bad we weren't hungrier. We did take advantage of the situation by ordering a $125 bottle of 1998 Tignanello. Yum.
Sunday: Drinks at Lingba Lounge, then dinner next door at Thanya and Salee with Susie, Rachael and Dan. Happy Birthday, Rachael! If you don't know about it, well, it's probably the best Thai food in SF. Great cocktails at the lounge, too. The four of us split the Bowl of Monkeys, which is a large flaming bowl filled with pineapple-and-rummy-goodness. Luckily you get long straws so you don't burn your face off when drinking it.

That's about it. Eating healthy starts... now.

Movin' On Up

2005-10-20T15:35:00.000-07:00

Maybe Susie felt that it was just time that someone should own condo. Maybe she was jealous (on behalf of our cats) of our other friends' cats, who have cat condos (grammar so confusing). In any case, she had a hankerin' for one while we were at the pet store, so we took it home with us.

Our feline tenants moved in right away.

Welcome to Our 1,000th Visitor!

2005-10-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

I just noticed the other day that my unique visitors counter had surpassed 1,000. Now I just have to figure out how to make it not overrun the border. Who the hell reads this thing, anyway?

LOTR

2005-10-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

Q: So, what's the word with you joining the LOTR team?

A: Don't ask.

Mursed

2005-10-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

While I was shopping on Hayes street after getting my hair cut, I stopped in at Flight 001, a hip luggage store. I was confused and indecisive due to all the different options, but I eventually settled on this Jack Spade bag. I was tempted by a wallet-sling-like thing, but it was really much too small to carry more than 2 or 3 small gadgets. (My current gadget quotient is 4-6.) I was also tempted by a Mandarina Duck bag that was silvery and high-tech and cool looking, but it was a bit bigger than I wanted. I'm happy about my choice; it's small, but not too small; metro, without being... err... too metro, if you know what I mean.

The weird thing now is that when I go into a restaurant, I have to figure where to put it (on floor? slung over chair?), worry about people stealing it, and remember to take it with be when I leave. It's a bit of a transition.

Oh, and I picked up a bottle of plum sake at that sake store on Hayes. Cool place. So I'm stoked about that.

I'm Full!

2005-10-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

Well, not "me," per se. But I have filled my wine fridge. That's right, 35 bottles of fermented grape drink, all chilling at optimum aging temperature. Well, actually I had to stick one bottle of white up with the reds since I didn't want to break up my block of 20 Ridge wines.

That's right. I had a gift certificate to Wine Impression (Thanks Bronwen and Michael!), so I picked up another bottle of Ridge -- one that we hadn't seen before. I forget what it's called -- Three Valleys, maybe? Sadly, when I got it home, I realized that its foil didn't match the silver of all the other bottles; it was more of a pewter. Very sad. But at least now I have an even 20. I did discover yet another Ridge I hadn't tried a Whole Foods the other day -- Independence School -- so maybe I'll pick one of those up and "replace" one of the drinkable bottles.

My Bag is Made From Trucks

2005-10-11T15:50:00.000-07:00

I think I want a murse. My new phone is fairly large, and tends to fill up my left front pants pocket. I mean, who wants to wear their phone on their belt? I'll tell you who: dorks. However, having phone filling up my pocket prevents me from sticking my hands in my pockets and slouching, as is my wont. Having some type of bag to carry it around seems like a good solution. And that way, I'd have something to carry other stuff in besides my coat pockets, which really aren't a very good bag substitute. Think of all the things I could carry:

Phone (obviously)
iPod (mini)
CDs (deez?)
Pen
Pencil
Bottle of water (every singer should carry one)
Checkbook
Kleenex (although my consumption of said item is greatly reduced with the new nasal spray -- see below)
Bits of string (never know when they might come in handy)
$40 in quarters (It sucks when you go to the bank for quarters and then realize you have to fill your pockets with 5 lbs. of quarters.)

Anyway, I heard that some Swiss company by the name of Freitag made cool murses. With a little bit of research on their Byzantine website, I discovered that their schtick is that their bags are made out of truck tarpaulins. With an online tool, you can choose exactly which sections of which tarpaulins they'll cut up to make your bag with. Kinda interesting. Very urban hipster. Not me.

This is more me.

My Nose Can Beat Up Your Nose!

2005-10-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

So, I went to the doctor yesterday. With all this turning 30 stuff, I felt I need to make sure everything was in working order. I wanted to complain about my allergies as well, which have been horrible this year. I got a prescription for Zirtec, which I had heard good things about. My doctor also prescribed a steroidal nasal spray, which is supposed to work well. Apparently, the idea is your nose gets stronger, and can then beat up any pollen or dust that gets in there, and make it feel bad about itself. Ok, not really. It just contains cortisol, which your body produces as a natural anti-inflammatory.

Just keep an eye out for my nose getting all bulked-up. I don't want it getting roid rage and punching my lights out.

I Want a Lute!

2005-10-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, because our talented tenor friend Dan was singing, we went to an excellent concert by Magnificat. They did some excellent madrigals, which really inspired me to be more serious about singing. I've been a choral vagabond for a few years now, singing in different groups just to have something to do. Don't get me wrong -- it's been great for me. I met Susie in Creative Voices, after all. But just singing in a group just to be singing just doesn't cut it for me anymore. I want to actually be in a group in which I can sing what I want to sing. And right now, that's madrigals. So, if anyone reading this knows of a madrigal group looking for a bass, let me know.

Also noteworthy at the concert was the presence of a theorbo player. For the non-Baroque-music-geek, a theorbo is a larger cousin of the lute, with many bass strings. Oh, and it's ridiculously cool. Of course I decided I had to have one. After a little research, I discoverd that not only are they exceedingly rare, but they also cost upwards of $8k. And not only would finding music for it be difficult, but it's also large and impractical to lug around.

A bit more web browsing later, I decided upon another target: a lute. I actually wanted a lute back in the day when I still played my classical guitar. Just never could afford it (or wanted it quite enough to justify the expense). Now, though, I think it would be awesome to have a lute. Not only do they sound cool, but they really are quite beautiful.

One problem with buying a lute is where to start: there are only about a bajillion different kinds of lutes. Six courses, seven courses, eight, nine, ten, eleven, thirteen courses, Renaissance lutes, Baroque lutes, archlutes. Where to start? Seems that a 6-8 course (a course is a single string or pair of strings) lute is good starting place.

Now, lutes can be quite expensive as well. But not nearly as pricey as theorboes. In fact, I've found a few that can be had for less than $450. I'm sure they're crap, but it would be some thing I could start with so I could see if I could justify a bigger expense. Plus it would be cool to be able to say that I own a lute. I'd just have to avoid becoming one of those Renfair weenies.

Goodbye, Alias

2005-10-03T15:18:00.000-07:00

After Susie introduced me to it, Alias became one of my favorite shows. No, it wasn't because of Jennifer Garner -- she's an average actress at best, and I personally think she's on the mannish side of attractive. It was just a fun show with compelling characters in ridiculous situations performing feats of superhuman cool. And the Mulder/Scully connection between Garner and Michael Vartan always added a nice undercurrent of tension to the story.

Of course, there have been rumors that Garner, now a producer on the show, had Vartan's character written off because they used to date And all was revealed on last week's season opener.

So, Vartan's character goes to meet with an informer. But suddenly a car pulls up from out of nowhere, a guy gets out and shoots the informer. And now Vartan, this CIA agent who's been shot, stabbed, imprisoned, tortured, poisoned, electrocuted, etc. simply stands there while he's gunned down by a couple of thugs with machine guns. And then he dies in a hospital. And there's a funeral.

I can take it in stride that a 15th century genius could hide secret messages in a genetic code and invent mind control devices, but when a on-screen character is killed for offscreen reasons, it taints every premise that the show is based on.

I suppose there's a chance that his shooting was staged. After all, he wasn't shot in the head. And they could have staged his surgery and resuscitation attempts. And funeral.

Nah.

Damn you, Jennifer Garner! Elektra sucked!

Pop Quiz, Hotshot

2005-09-27T14:41:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy at work lately that I haven't had much to play Kingdom of Loathing (let alone post on my blog). I've almost maxed out my turns on all 3 characters. Of course, I've come to realize that having 3 characters may be a bit excessive. I might have to cut back.

Anyway, I found this cute quiz. It's actually pretty lame, but it's kind of fun answering KOL-related questions. Give it a whirl, foolios.

My Brown Shoes

2005-09-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile since I've purchased any brown shoes. But I've been trying to branch out lately, and I'd had this Aldo gift certificate lying around for over a year now. Seemed like a good opportunity to get some brown shoes. You know, for more wardrobe options, a diversified look. Anyway, after much agonizing, I came up with the pair pictured here. Pretty hip and urban, no?

Now, the thing is, my dad almost always wears brown shoes. So much so that when I'm wearing my new shoes, I look down and see my dad's feet. I think I'll get over it eventually, but I'm still not entirely comfortable.

I should also note here that my dad refuses to wear navy trousers because he's afraid he'll be mistaken for a mailman or naval officer. I can see his point. Still, maybe odd clothing phobias run in the family.

Krazy Kat!

2005-09-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I came home to find that the devil cat had gone absolutely bonkers while we were at work. Here is the evidence against him:

Exhibit A: Television was on and volume turned all the way up. (Fortunately, it was on video 2, so it only made a slight buzzing sound. I just feel bad for any neighbors who are home if this happens again.)

Exhibit B: A small plant on 5-foot-high shelf had been knocked to the floor, with dirt scattered all around it.

Exhibit C: A mouse-on-a-string toy had been severed.

Exhibit D: A plastic bottle was on the floor.

But he's soooo cute, isn't he?

Calamari Pharmacy?

2005-09-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Just posted a review of Katamari Damacy on my reviews site. At this rate I'll be reviewing something about once a month, if I'm lucky. (I won't presume as to whether this makes you lucky or not.)

Foiled!

2005-09-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

What a rough morning! My sister was supposed to come over at 8:30 so we could go over to Peets for breakfast. Naturally she showed up at 8, right as I was getting out of the shower. Damn Muni! It's not even reliably slow! Peets was a madhouse when we got there; the line was almost out the door. And after we ordered, they forgot to give Megan her cinnamon twist; we had to go back and ask for it. Then, upon receiving our coffees (The woman behind us in line got hers before ours! Imagine that!), we discovered that the little cinnamon and cocoa shakers were MIA! Quelle horreur!

Undaunted, we drove to Stonestown. Why not do a little shopping with my sister while she's in town, I thought? I'll just be a touch late. Of course, when we got there, everything was closed. Apparently malls just don't feel the need to open until 10. At least we could use the restrooms while we were there. No luck. The narrow hallway to the restrooms was filled with queues of octogenarians doing jerky tai-chi-like exercises. It would just have been too surreal to walk through all that.

Finally we discovered something at Stonestown that was open: Borders. Naturally I had left my gift certificate in my car so I couldn't actually buy anything there. But surely we could use their restroom? Nope. Out of order.

I felt like crying.

Not really. Nothing really bothered us. Even the lack of cocoa powder for my mocha. We had a fun time chatting and doing a little familial bonding.

Would You Like Some Cheese With That?

2005-09-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

Last week I received the wine fridge that my insanely-generous friend Melissa ordered for me for my birthday. Apart from a couple of nicks and dents, it is all that it's cracked up to be. It seems such a simple thing, but having your nice wine displayed in a gleaming black box is an edifying thing. I get a little thrill of pleasure every time I walk past it.

The top two shelves are French and Italian wine (7 or 8 bottles). The bottom racks contain a bottle of champagne (Veuve Cliquot from the Sims Online celebration), a dessert wine, and two other whites. Everything else in between is Ridge Zinfandel, various vintages. Bwah hah hah hah! All those pretty silver foil caps look especially attractive displayed in my gleaming black box of wine (although they're difficult to see as picture). Nineteen bottles. Maybe I should pick up another to make an even 20.

Shown on the right is our old wine rack/stand thing. It's where all the lesser wine that doesn't need to be aged goes. You know, the stuff you bring over to friends' houses so you don't have to sacrifice anything you might miss.

Free at Last!

2005-09-08T16:40:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have been with this blog from the beginning may be wondering at this point, "Did Daniel ever end up having to report for jury duty?" Well, let you wonder no more: in the mail yesterday I received a postcard from my good buddy, Gordon Park-Li, Jury Commissioner. This missive indicated that my request to be excused from jury duty was granted. Score! Maybe I should become a professional jury duty avoidance consultant.

And it's a darn good thing that I was excused, considering that I was scheduled to report two weeks ago!

Say My Name! Say It!

2005-09-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

What is there about the name Daniel that just makes people think they can call you Dan? I'm pretty consistent about introducting myself as Daniel (besides when ordering at Jamba Juice/Peets/etc. -- I've had my name announced as Danielle when my order was ready. Now I always say my name is Dan. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?), but here's how the typical conversation goes:

Me: Hi, I'm Daniel.
Average Person: Nice to meet you, Dan. I'm XXXXX. (Note: I have never actually met anyone named XXXXX, but even if I did, I would never call them XXX for short.)

What??? Are there other names for which this holds true? I should start introducing myself Richard and see how many people call me Rich, Richie, or Dick. Hmmm... better yet, I should try to introduce myself to people named Richard and call THEM Dick. See how they like it!

Up until high school I was pretty adamant about wanting to be called Daniel as opposed to Dan. However, my fencing coach just insisted on calling me Dan, and four years of being so addressed eventually wore down my ability to care. Now, my co-worker friends all call me Dan, but they're my friends, so I hardly even notice.

I also wish it to be known that I have nothing against the name Dan. Some of my best friends are named Dan (okay, one). I just have always thought of it as a very corporate executive name. You know: Dan, Bill, Bob, Larry; tall old white guys with side-parts. Ok, so I guess I do have something against it. Sorry, Dan.

I Love You, Sweater Thingies

2005-09-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I stopped by the Banana Republic flagship store in downtown SF. I had been looking for some sweater/sweatshirt/hoodie-type things, and BR had them in abundance. After trying on a good 15 different items, I eventually got frazzled and left without buying anything. Susie and I dropped by the BR in the Embarcadero so I could show her some of the items. But as it wasn't the flagship store, its selection was limited.

So I had to leave, unfulfilled, knowing that my wardrobe was incomplete, feeling a sweater/sweatshirt/hoodie-type-thing-shaped hole inside. But gradually I came to recognize the two items that would fill the void within. On my birthday, I left work early, drove down to the flagship store, and bought the green hoodie (Man, I hate the word "hoodie." Seems so girly!), pictured here in gray as it is NOT AVAILABLE ONLINE AND IS ONLY AVAILABLE AT THE FLAGSHIP STORE, and the black zippy sweater jacket thingy. Anyway, I've been extremely happy with these two items as it can be awfully cold at work, and it's nice to have something to wear that's not a jacket. Plus, the black one goes with almost anything, AND when I'm wearing a black shirt, I can wear the green one and not have the black-over-black combo that makes me feel like a loser that works at a videogame company.

Green two-zip hoodie: $65
Black wool zippy sweater jacket thingy: $125
Filling a sweater/sweatshirt/hoodie-type-thing-shaped hole: priceless

Note to self: you cannot spell availalbe

Best. Birthday. Ever. Continued.

2005-08-31T17:57:00.000-07:00

As I suspected she might, Susie took me to Jardiniere last night for my birthday dinner. I've been dropping hints about wanting to go there for a while, and the restaurant has been somewhat more high-profile lately, what with Traci Des Jardins beating down that phony Mario Batali on Iron Chef (side note: don't say "what with" around Susie). But when she told me that we were actually going there, I was pretty stoked.

I was not disappointed. As Sherwin would say, "It pwned me." Actually, he would say, "P-owned," because we all know that 1337-speak does not work verbally.

The service was gracious and timely. The setting elegant yet relaxed. A jazz piano and bass added luxurious ambiance. But of course the food was the star here. The menu offered a variety of options, but for me, there really was no choice. I had to go with the 6-course tasting menu: a tuna tombo salad with the most delicious beans ever, halibut with chanterelles, incredible duck breast (with fig I didn't hate!), beef shortrib, cheese course, and a chocolate caramel tart. That's just how I roll. Everything was fabulous with the exception of the tart (which was only very good), although "Happy Birthday" was spelled out in fancy chocolate script on the side of plate. Fortunately I was able to supplement with the incredible dish that Susie ordered: gooey dark chocolate cake with candied cocoa nibs and raspberry swirl ice cream. I can't recall a better dessert.

I was having a bit of trouble choosing a wine from their diverse yet approachable list. So I chose them all; I had the sommelier's suggested wine pairings: a different glass for each course of the tasting menu. The choices were indeed excellent and complemented the dishes nicely: two whites for the fish courses, two reds for the meats (a Burgundy and a California Zinfandel), vin santo for the cheese, and a late-harvest red for the tart.

At one point I paused from my consumption to contemplate the tune being played by the jazz duo. It seemed yet familiar, yet surely it was a jazz standard. And, as I have a somewhat skewed musical education, I know no jazz standards. Finally the repetitive, rhythmic chord changes and a little melodic hook jolted my memory. "Ah yes," I sighed as I leaned back and tilted my wineglass. "Hey Ya, by OutKast." What could be more fitting?

If you haven't been to Jardiniere, I suggest you find an occasion to do so. Especially if you can find someone else to pay.

Thanks, Susie! You're the best!

Best. Birthday. Ever.

2005-08-29T14:31:00.000-07:00

With my 30th birthday coming up Tuesday, I decided to have dinner and drinks last Saturday with my closest friends. Dinner was at Indigo, and was a blast. Having studied the wine menu in advance online, I knew to order the 2001 Ridge Geyserville, a favorite of Susie's and mine. Drinking quite well, thanks, though perhaps not quite the best we've had. The food was good; the wine was good; the gifts were generous, abundant, and thoughtful; the company delightful. I had planned to say a few words to the assembled company, but the time never seemed quite right. To paraphrase, this year has been a difficult one, and I have never been more grateful for the love, support, and friendship I have around me.

Jade bar was groovy. We had nearly enough of a posse to take over the upstairs area, and certainly a loud enough one to scare off any remaining patrons. The drinks were coming fast and furious(ly), and I was hard-pressed in my attempt to break my lengthy streak of getting sick every year on my birthday. I wasn't able to avoid the Red Bull and vodka, the kamikaze shot or the inevitable Glenmorangie, but I managed to not finish a Long Island that Ben tried to sneak in, and I ducked the one-two punch of the Scotch and chaser that Fennis tried to hit me with towards the end. Even Joel was drinking (only the third time I've seen him drink), so you know it was a good time. In the end, I didn't get sick, and I was actually able to enjoy my Sunday. Perfect!

And my actual birthday dinner is still coming up. Susie started a tradition of taking me to a different top-tier SF restaurant every year. Since the last three have been Elizabeth Daniel (now closed, sadly), Gary Danko, and Fifth Floor, I'm sure tomorrow's won't disappoint.

Cat Bowling

2005-08-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

An arrival of half a case of Ridge wine is a joyous occasion. One day, as we were laying out our half-dozen bottles of the ruby elixir, our cat Viola (not pictured) happened to be in a particularly frenetic mood. She hurled herself across the hardwood floor and skidded into the neat arrangement of bottles, knocking over a couple in the process. Thus Cat Bowling was born. Unfortunately she was unable to pick up the spare.

We recently received another shippment of wine, and given our newest cat's extreme hyperactivity, we thought we would surely be treated to another game of Cat Bowling. Much to our dismay, Claudio did little but sniff the bottles. However, we hadn't yet discovered the laser pointer's effect on him. Maybe next shipment....

Note: the 2002 Paso Robles is drinking rather nicely. It has some of the scrumptious blueberry flavor that I associate with the Geyserville. However, the 2003 is not yet ready for drinking; it's still too tannic and the flavors haven't sufficiently blended and mellowed. Give it another year or two.

Why Does My Belt Keep Shrinking?

2005-08-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

Choral veterans will recognize the experience (you others just nod and smile): you sing an a cappella piece for a bit, then check your notes to find that the piano has been going sharp. Quite unsettling. Why can't they make pianos that keep their pitch for more than 5 minutes? If NASA can make foam bricks that protect space shuttles from the terrible heat of re-entry, why can't... oh, nevermind.

In unrelated news, my favorite belt which I have worn nearly every day for the last seven or 8 years barely fits me anymore. I'm on the last notch, and even that's a bit tight. What gives? You'd think if it was going to shrink it would be within the first few months of owning it. This delayed shrinkage is quite odd.

In other, unrelated news, I went shopping this weekend and discovered that I need to buy pants an inch bigger in the waist. Why manufacturers feel the need to make clothes smaller than before escapes me. But I can highly recommend Express clothing for men. They have nice jeans in a wide variety of styles, and quite a few cool t-shirts that are excellent for layering, if you're into that sort of thing. (It's not mine.) It's inexpensive, and as an added bonus the clothes have actually got some semblance of style, unlike the GAP. Perfect for adding just the right touch of metrosexuality.

Surely I Could Write a $100,000 Drum Beat

2005-08-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

In recent news of the weird variety:

NAS PAYS TWO MILLION DOLLARS FOR A BEAT
Rap star Nas reportedly has paid a staggering $2 million for a mystery new beat created by hip hop producers the Neptunes.

A number of artists were reported to be in competition for the beat, including Sean "P. Diddy" Combs.

It's so groundbreaking, rap veteran Busta Rhymes is convinced it will make hip-hip history.

He says, "Those drums man. Those drums are fire! If Nas is gonna rap to this beat, it's going to be over. This will be the biggest hit in the history of hip hop."

This is just staggering. I can't think of the last time someone overpaid so much for something. I mean, the time someone paid $40k on EBay for a grilled cheese sandwich that depicted the virgin Mary is nothing compared to this.

All that hype by Mr. Rhymes, now, that's a lot to live up to. How can you possibly meet expectations after that? Even if it's the next "Yeah!" will it still have been worth it? Who wants to bet this song hits the chart, does pretty well, and then drops off and is never heard again?

And if Nas is willing to pay two mil for a beat, how much would he pay for a legendary guitar solo? A cool million? The greatest rock riff of all time? Three-quarters of a million? A jaw-dropping vocal run? Half a mil? We need to know these things!

And how sad is it that Busta Rhymes is referred to as a "rap veteran"? What does it take to get upgrated to "star" level? I guess that's what happens when you go five years without putting out an album. Even Foxy Brown is referred to as a rap star, and I've never even heard of her. Of course, that's not saying much....

Say Hello to My Little Friend, Redux

2005-08-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it; I have a terrible memory. I have never claimed otherwise. I guess I always thought it was part of my charm. You know that eccentric, lovable, absentminded genius guy? That was supposed to be me.

But I guess my tendency to forget everyday tasks and social engagements, although charming in bachelorhood, loses a bit in translation to married life. In fact, there was this one time when I was scheduled to... well, let's not bring that up here.

On a seemingly-unrelated topic, my current phone sucks. It's the same model my dad has, if that tells you anything -- so old I can't even find a picture of it on the Sprint website. The outer screen is cracked. The battery dies frequently because the charge drains rapidly when I am roaming (which is often). The UI is poor, which makes text messaging difficult. Calls and messages to the phone are frequently missed. One time it notified me that I had a new voicemail... one day after the message was left. By the way, Sprint service in the Bay Area is horrible.

These two subjects got me thinking. What if there were a way to replace my phone and improve my memory at the same time. Maybe some kind of cyber-RAM-communications-system upgrade. Or maybe I should just get a new phone that actually works with a datebook and such. I guess I kind of got fixated on this idea, kept asking Sherwin about whether I should get a BlackBerry or a Palm Treo, whether I should get a Bluetooth adapter for my laptop. Susie and Sherwin got so concerned that I might actually go out and buy one that they had to give me my birthday present a couple of weeks early Now I am the proud owner of a brand new BlackBerry 7100g.

May I just say: It rocks! Thanks, guys! It makes such a great toy, and it's already helping me remember things. Just this afternoon it reminded me to make a dinner reservation and call my grandma. Good boy!

Get Your Corporate Hands Off My Chocolate!

2005-08-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

Hershey has just announced the acquisition of San Francisco-based chocolatier Joseph Schmidt. While Joseph Schmidt's chocolates are artistic creations and do make great gifts, they are not the best chocolate for eating (and really, isn't that what you want from your chocolate?). For one thing, their famous half-egg-shaped truffles for which they are so well-known are annoyingly difficult to eat due to their thick shells. And the quality of their chocolate is merely average.

But coming so closely on the heels of Hershey's acquisition of Berkeley's Scharffen Berger, it's difficult for the Bay Area resident not to take offense at this corporate calamity. After all, Scharffen Berger is one of the world's finest chocolates, and Hershey is a peddler of chocolate-flavored sugary goo. One fears that any contribution Hershey makes will mar Scharffen Berger's bittersweet perfection. Perhaps Hershey will merely use its multinational reach to broaden the distribution of a sublime chocolate, but given the history of these types of mergers, that doesn't seem likely, now does it?

Given the chocolate-making tradition of San Francisco, one might fear that Hershey would move to acquire Ghiradelli (hard G, folks, it's Italian) and ruin another Bay Area confection corporation. But there's really nothing to fear there; Ghiradelli sold out years ago and its chocolate is barely better than Hershey's.

Ah well, at least there's Valrhona, a truly divine bittersweet chocolate. Not quite as complex and fruity as Scharffen Berger, but perhaps a richer and more satisfying cocoa experience.

Reviews Are In

2005-08-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

I was going to post on Friday. I really was. I wrote this whole post about how the titles of a couple of R. Kelly's songs, namely "Trapped in the Closet" and "Down Low," made (presumably unintentional) implications about his sexuality, and probably weren't such great PR moves for an alleged pedophile. But it all seemed rather sordid and not up to my usual standards of cleverness.

Anyway, I would now like to direct your attention to new link on the right-hand side of the page, Reviews. Infrequently, I'll post a review of a book I've been reading or a CD I've been listening to lately. If you're lucky, I may even tackle movies or TV shows. You see, I feel that it's critically important that I recommend things that I like, and steer people away from things I don't. I believe it will make the world a better place. And with that in mind, I recommend that everyone go out and buy Deadwing, by Porcupine Tree.

What's Up With That?

2005-08-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

In Seinfeldian fashion, I will now make sardonic statements about an only-slightly out-of-the-ordinary aspect of quotidian life.

So, I was just sitting at my desk the other day, minding my own business, when all of the sudden, I got this email: Coming soon to your work campus: on-site dental services. What's up with that? I mean, first we had on-site massages -- nice for easily out the kinks during those 12 hour days. Then there was on-site dry-cleaning, which was handy because you don't always have time to hit the cleaners when pulling 80-hour weeks. Then came on-site car washing. Again, handy. Your car's just chillin' for 8-16 hours a day while you're at work, might as well get some chores done while you're working. Car washes were great; why not oil changes? Sure! Recently came on-site haircutting services -- great for keeping your basic wage-slave from getting too shaggy during the 9-month crunch periods. I just feel sorry for the facilies people who have to vacuum the hair out of the keyboards.

And now this! I guess the dentists just couldn't get enough folks to pry themselves away from their cushy Aeron chairs often enough to satisfy those blood-sucking sadisits. Now they are actually sending members of their sanguine cult out to office buildings to get their hematic fill. But who's going to clean the toothpaste off my monitor?

What's next? I mean, they can't have on-site doctors visits, because the doctors would be telling the employees to go home and get some rest and not spend so much time on the computer.

Maybe on-site lapdances? You know, for when you can't leave the office long enough to satisfy... certain urges. Ok, I'll stop.

Curse You, Hell-Spawned Cat-Fiends!

2005-08-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

Left, you see our sweet, previously-innocent Viola. Right, seemingly-innocent Claudio. Sure, they seem like such cute cats, lounging as you see here on an unmade bed. But when the lights go out, they turn into felines of terrible power and strength. Springing over supine human forms, they career across hardwood and rug alike, bouncing from surface to surface, and generally having a hellacious time. With boundless energy, they cavort and frolic, robbing poor slumbering souls of their due rest, sapping their wills, and leaving them empty, shambling husks.

Here you see the worse of the transgressors. His loathsome energy is particularly insidious. Before he arrived on the scene, our Viola was a perfect picture of repose. But since the arrival of this devil-cat, no sooner has she settled down for a good snooze then Lo! she springs forth from her berth to investigate the maneuvers of this magnetic newcomer.

Curse you, fiendish feline spawn of Satan! I have a twisted, cunning plan of my very own! When I arrive home, I shall torment thee with toys and traps, wresting you from your soft couches and blankets, and force you to caper and gambol until your hellish energies are exhausted! Then shall I slumber in gentle repose.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

2005-08-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

With the addition of another short-haired shedding machine to the house, Susie and I knew that it was time to upgrade our vacuum. The old Eureka MightAsWellNotBother was just not getting the job done, so we ponied up and snagged a Dyson DC14 Low Reach vacuum on EBay. I may be known for making fun of James Dyson's stiff British accent on his television commercials, but we heard good things about the vacuums from friends, and hey, it comes in a snazzy red.

It arrived Friday, so I took the opportunity to use it this weekend. Twice. It was so fun I had to vacuum again the next day. After the old stick vac, the DC14 was truly a joy to use, a marvel of technology. It glided smoothly on our hardwood floors, and efficiently cleaned our small area rugs. The low reach attachment was great for getting under our bed and chest of drawers. It's a pretty heavy device, but does have somewhat of the feel of a plastic toy. One could argue that this makes it all the more fun to do chores with. Emptying the bin with the push of a button was like dumping a load of sand from a toy dumptruck (or something else clever; I'm no good with similes).

All in all, it seems like money well spent. Hopefully it will mean breathing less cat hair in the long run. And how can that be a bad thing?

Sorry to bore you with a tale of how I spent the whole weekend vacuuming. Hey, I did make it through the entire post without making a pun on the word "sucks." Aren't you at least somewhat proud?

Paging Dr. Dolittle

2005-08-05T13:33:00.000-07:00

Recently, a co-worker of mine referred to me as Dr. Dolittle due to the fact that I now have two cats and an ornate box turtle living at my house. The surname struck me as hyperbolic, hardly warranted by the stewardship of merely three animals from two species. The title, strangely enough, has been more applicable of late given the health problems of our pets. To treat newcomer Claudio's eye infection, I have to put a gunky medication on his eyes 3x daily. Have you ever had to put something on a cat's eyeball? Granted it's nothing compared to making a cat swallow any form of medication, but it's still no picnic.

Then there's the turtle. Agamemnon, aka Turtle (Side note: why are receptionists so confused by the name Agamemnon? Haven't they read the Iliad, or at least seen Troy? And as for not being able to spell or pronounce it, WTF? It's completely phonetic! If you can read, you can pronounce it. If you hear, you can spell it. What is the problem?), hasn't been eating lately due to a bacterial infection. This means I have to give him shots. How hard is it to give a shot to a turtle; he can't run away, you might say (annoyingly, if I might add). Well, I'll tell you. The main difficulty is that you have to pull his arm out of his shell in order to inject him in his armpit. This means wrestling open his plastron (the hinged part that lets him close himself up like a box), avoiding being bitten by a now-angry box turtle, getting a grip on a tiny little turtle paw, and wrenching it out. If that sounds easy to you, feel free to drop by my house in the next week; I've got eight more shots to give him.

Note: Add me to the impressive list of people who misspell "Dolittle." Personally, I blame the Pixies.

How to Avoid Jury Duty

2005-08-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I'm turning 30 in less than 4 weeks. And in all the long years I've spent on this earth, I have never had to serve jury duty. How have I managed this feat, you might ask (unless you are busy berating me for ducking my civic duty). The key, my friends, is to always be registered to vote in a city other than the one in which you live. They can't make you serve if you don't live there. And the city you live in can't ask you to serve if you're not registered there. See how genius that is? See, I registerd to vote in SF, so when I was living in Foster City and was summoned, they couldn't touch me. Then I moved back to SF for a year. Luck was with me that year as my number wasn't called. Then I moved to Oakland for a year and a half and got called again. Nice try, suckers! Of course, now that I've been back in SF for over a year now, I have of course "gotten mine" (as in, "You'll get yours!").

Of course, I'm not going to take jury duty lying down (not that they'll let me). I'm going to plead financial hardship. You know, because I'm a contractor and all, so work won't pay me if I have to serve on a jury. One thing that makes me this gambit may not be successful. There are three choices for household income: Under $20k, $20-40k, and over $40k. Uh oh. I hope these jury folks aren't best buds with the IRS....

We Don't Gnaw on Our Kitties

2005-08-03T17:08:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, Susie and I added another member to our household: a one-year-old Siamese mix cat named Claudio (pictures forthcoming). After a fruitless Friday of East Bay kitty searching, on Saturday we discovered an pet adoption fair. We were looking for a kitten, but after over at least an hour of frazzled indecision, we settled on Claudio (nee Simba, aka Bo) because of his calm, cool demeanor, handsome seal-point markings, and enormous, beautiful blue eyes.

He's now settling in well at Casa Fong-Hiatt (despite recent diagnoses and treatments for an eye infection and tapeworms... TMI?); however, Viola, princess of the roost, isn't quite so sure about this newcomer. Yes, there have been incidents of hissing and swatting. This hostility is a completely new side of our previously sweet, friendly cat. Sadly, we have to keep the kitties in separate rooms while they acclimatize to one another.

Another great surprise for us has been cat vocalization. It's sound we'd never heard before: part growl and part meow, and really does sound like a cross between a choral exercise and a coyote howl. Apparently it's some sort of warning sound that cats make to ward off other cats. It's something that everyone should hear. I wonder if I can upload a .wav file of it....