What's Up With That?

In Seinfeldian fashion, I will now make sardonic statements about an only-slightly out-of-the-ordinary aspect of quotidian life.

So, I was just sitting at my desk the other day, minding my own business, when all of the sudden, I got this email: Coming soon to your work campus: on-site dental services. What's up with that? I mean, first we had on-site massages -- nice for easily out the kinks during those 12 hour days. Then there was on-site dry-cleaning, which was handy because you don't always have time to hit the cleaners when pulling 80-hour weeks. Then came on-site car washing. Again, handy. Your car's just chillin' for 8-16 hours a day while you're at work, might as well get some chores done while you're working. Car washes were great; why not oil changes? Sure! Recently came on-site haircutting services -- great for keeping your basic wage-slave from getting too shaggy during the 9-month crunch periods. I just feel sorry for the facilies people who have to vacuum the hair out of the keyboards.

And now this! I guess the dentists just couldn't get enough folks to pry themselves away from their cushy Aeron chairs often enough to satisfy those blood-sucking sadisits. Now they are actually sending members of their sanguine cult out to office buildings to get their hematic fill. But who's going to clean the toothpaste off my monitor?

What's next? I mean, they can't have on-site doctors visits, because the doctors would be telling the employees to go home and get some rest and not spend so much time on the computer.

Maybe on-site lapdances? You know, for when you can't leave the office long enough to satisfy... certain urges. Ok, I'll stop.