AAAAAaaaaaarrrgh!

Friends of a fucking dead horse.

You Snorted WHAT?!?!?

I guess the real question is, "What hasn't Keith Richards snorted?"

And why is he trying to emulate Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow?

Keith Richards has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, but this may top them all.

In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Richards' father, Bert, died in 2002, at 84.

Can We Stop Talking About a Horse Now?

I love animals as much as the next guy (ok, much more than the next guy), but I'm not a horseracing fan, and I resent being subjected to so much media coverage of an injured (now dead) horse.

At least now it will end. Right?

That's What They Look Like?

I've been a regular visitor to, and fan of, Penny Arcade for a while now. I find its particular brand of irreverant, offbeat humor, and unique perspective on the gaming industry to be singularly appealing to one of my interests and background.

However.

Upon reading today's column, I was dismayed to discover what the two creators of the comic actually look like. That is to say, utter dweebs. I suppose it shouldn't really come as a surprise, but I had somehow developed the idea that they actually looked like the characters that represented them in the strip. It's a horrible thing when fantasies are destroyed.

Next thing you know I'll discover that Gabe and Tycho aren't their real names...

Email Marketing Mad Lib

I just heard from the warm and friendly folks at Banana Republic marketing. So nice of them to contact me. The personalization was such a nice touch.

Hi Daniel!

The short survey is about [INSERT STUDY TOPIC] and we want to know what you think. It should only take you [5-10] minutes to complete.

Everyone who completes the survey will be entered into a monthly draw for a [INSERT SWEEPSTAKE DETAILS].

Click the link below to participate.

%%Link%%
(If the URL does not show up as a link, please copy and paste it into your browser's location bar)

We are excited to hear your feedback!
Thanks,

The BR Insiders Team

Dear Banana team,

Do you really want to hear my feedback? A little quality control on outgoing emails might help.

Glad to help!
D

How Much Are You Getting Paid to Play Basketball?

On a breakaway in the second quarter, human-highlight short film Nate Robinson attempted to perform a dunk-contest-style slam, bouncing the ball off the floor to himself. He was whistled for traveling. And, of course, he missed the dunk. "I won't be trying it again unless we're up by 20," he said. "But that's spontaneous Nate Robinson. I can't control that."

I can't hate on the man too badly; he is my height after all, playing a game dominated by giants. He's really trying to kill that whole underdog vibe, though.

"Vixen"?

I hate to keep abusing Michael Bauer; I read his blog daily, after all. But sometimes his blog posts are so bland as to be completely misleading and pointless. The man almost never expresses an opinion of any type.

Take his latest post on Top Chef contestant Marisa Churchill. He serves up some factual information about what she's been up to, mentions that she was portrayed as a vixen on Top Chef, and that she has some type of upcoming gig with Maxim.

How the hell does he manage to leave out that:

• a. She's really not that attractive. (see picture -- yes, I know. I apologize)
  
• b. She's incredibly annoying.
  
• c. She apparently can't cook anything worth a damn, even pastries, her "specialty."

I would guess that either he hasn't actually watched the show, or he doesn't have any opinions at all.

Of course, all the commenters on his blog get it right.

The title of his article: The hot vixen of "Top Chef."

Should be: The "hot vixen" of Top Chef.