State of the Union

This is the only way I would ever consider watching Bush's State of the Union speach. Although it would increase the already-not-inconsiderable chance of vomiting from looking at his ugly, smarmy, stupid-monkey mug.

Quote of the Day

"There is apparently an ESPN "Global Planning Meeting" at 11 a.m.; there are several sheets of paper on the walls proclaiming this event. I suspect this meeting will be where ESPN (a) plots how to cover the Super Bowl and (b) decides how it will respond to the Palestinian elections (I say we play hard to get). It's weird being here, because everybody knows each other, and I don't know anyone, and everyone has work to do, and I have nothing to offer; all I can really do is look at the Internet and check the results from the SAG awards. I see that the big winner was "Crash," a movie designed for people in Los Angeles who just figured out that racism was "complex" (and must therefore be secretly central to every conversation any two Americans ever have). I wish one of the bears from "Grizzly Man" would eat Matt Dillon and Ludacris."

Chuck Klosterman, reporting from ESPN's Superbowl HeadQuarters

Are You Serious?

No, I’m not talking about the seriously-tasty DS Brewing Company Amber Ale. I’m talking about this trailer. At first I thought it was for a video game, then I just assumed it was a spoof. But… it looks like it's actually a "real" movie. Good god. This could be worse than Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie. The cast might be even worse than Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds, and the bald action hero from The Transporter. (Seriously, though, I have nothing against bald people; It's just hard to root for them to kick serious ass. Unless they're basketball players. And even then they're not really kicking ass; more just jumping over people.) I’m just stunned. Please watch. And become confused as I am.

I'm Freaking Huge!

I've been able to get into the gymn 2 or 3 times a week, that's been working out pretty well for me, so to speak. I can lift heavier weights now than ever before, and my body's starting to reflect that. It's gotten to the point where I go to put on deodorant, and I'm like, "Woah, my armpits are so big from my huge pecs." TMI? Sorry, I just had to share the experience of being surprised at the size of my armpits. Guess you would have had to be there.

Anyway, my posse and I rolled out to check out the Chronic-cles of Narnia last weekend. We couldn't find the Mr. Pibb or Red Vines, but we did make the group in sitting in front of us laugh at our references to movie trivia being the illest. Sadly, there was no movie trivia at the theater, so screaming out Matthew Perry would have been nonsensical.

The movie was pretty good. I give it a B+. On par with Spider Man. What was up with the weird blur slow-motion effect when Aslan killed the White Witch though. That was weird, huh? Oh, and here's a couple of tips for you if you ever get transported back to a fantasy land and have to act as general for an army of mythical beasts:

• If you're going to have your flying creatures drop rocks and crap on the enemy, have them fly above the range of the enemy archers.


• Also, if you have a superior defensive position, such as having archers positioned on top of a clifftop, you might consider having them fire before engaging the enemy on foot.

The Chronic -- WHAT?

Ok, so I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon pretty late, but I got to give a shout out to Cathy for serving up this ill link. If you haven't seen it, STEP ON IT, SUCKA!

I now know what I need to do this weekend. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Now I just need to find me some Mr. Pibb, Red Vines, and cupcakes.

Big-headed Girl

AKA Giada De Laurentiis. Her cooking is attractive (although I think Food Network has something funny going on with color saturation), but the fish-eye lens and camera angle used on her show make her head look gigantic. Or maybe it's just that big. Whatever.

Anyway, I caught this article about an episode of Everyday Italian on which she was caught with a rather funny reaction to tasting her cranberry sorbet.

Haha, yes! I always hate those smarmy Food Network personalities who have on-camera orgasms when they taste their delicacies. Rachael Ray is the worst. C'mon R Dub, does everything taste that good. Really? Do you have to rub it in my face that you're eating Kobe beef with shaved truffles while I'm eating frozen pizza?

So it's good to see Giada getting her comeuppance. That will teach you to overpronounce Italian words. "SpahGAAAYTTT-ttteee." But maybe if you have a name like Giada De Laurentiis you should be excused.

Asian Pop Resolutions

Because I'm too lazy to produce original material for my blog, I'll happily direct you to this amusing take on New Year's resolutions by SF Gate writer Jeff Yang. My favorite segment:

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink ($2.99 per can): Martial artist-turned-action-hero-turned-Tibetan monk-turned-assclown Steven Seagal has put his questionable endorsement on a grade-Z line of energy beverages that promises to offer the "Asian Experience." You may disagree, but Seagal is just about the last person on earth I want interpreting the Asian experience, especially for something that I'm supposed to put in my mouth. The drinks' listed ingredients range from Tibetan Goji Berry to Asian Cordyceps to Gingko Biloba. I suspect they actually taste of shame and desperation.

I'm Baaaack!

I've always hated New Year's resolutions. What could be more trite? I mean, why do you need to buy a new calendar just to set some goals for self-improvement.

HOWEVER... this is a brand new year, and I intend to stop being quite so judgmental. Especially about silly things like New Year's resolutions. So, in my newfound spirit of open-mindedness, I would like to announce the following resolutions for 2006.

1. I will be more open-minded about the foibles, flaws, mistakes, imperfections and insecurities of others. Very giving of me, isn't it? I figure it will help me keep my stress levels down.

2. I will try to excercise more frequently. Instead of trying to go to the gym twice a week (and actually going once), I will try to go three times a week (and hopefully get in a least twice).

3. I will eat more healthily (heathy? healthfully?). No more finishing every last dessert on the table.

4. I will do something creative every day: write, play the lute, sing, whatever. Just got to keep up the momentum.

That should do it. Don't want to get too ambitious. Gotta keep all this up for 365 days so I can really slack off next year. Note that "I will blog more frequently" is not one of my resolutions. Keep your expectations low and everyone will come out a winner.